My Day In Niagara Falls

August or September 2022.

I began my trip in a state of drowsiness and confusion. I had been to two parties the day before that left me quite exhausted. First I had April's going away party. She would be going to the UK to teach English.

At the party, I had Aperol Spritz. A drink I had never tried before. I have to say it was very delicious. Kudos to Luca, April's boyfriend, for making the mix. As I write now I can't describe the taste, but it sure did get me drunk. After the Spritz, I had a few beers that made me feel like those balloon salesman, the ones that flop around in the wind. I was feeling the drinks heavy. Horror struck after my vape had died. Luckily there were some nice desserts to satisfy my oral fixation.

The Party was nice but I left early as I had to meet up with my buddy, Payne, and our other buddy, Ronnie. Payne was having a fire at his house. He was the king of fires. I never knew a man who could make such great fires and feed them as well as he. Maybe one other man I knew could match his skills. Anyways there I had a few more beers while I was able to charge my vape. Once that turned green I was living it up. Me and the boys talked it up for hours, up until 1 AM. After that Ronnie gave me a lift home.

When I got home I dove straight for the bed and melted into the sheets. I didn't even put a blanket on or use a pillow, it wouldn't matter. I was so sedated I could have slept on a bed of nails naked.

I woke up the next morning at 7 AM, blinded by the sun that pierced my sensitive blue eyes. My face fell asleep as well. I held a frown for about an hour until I could move an eyebrow. It was like being unfrozen from Medusa's curse. I thanked the universe for blessing me with no hangover this morning, lord knows I should have had one.

I began my drive listening to some Donnie and Joe Emerson. Their song "Love Is" on their album "Dreamin’ Wild" is a soothing tune that'll make you think about your past relationships. It's one of my favorites on the album, along with "Baby".

I always forget how long the drive to Niagara Falls really is. It's a lot on the bum. It isn't as bad as the drive from Quebec to New Brunswick of course but it's still pretty brutal. QB to NB is a 14-hour eye-sore. Driving in a straight line for I don't know how long, but anyone who's done it knows what I'm talking about.

Anyways I had to hit up a pit stop. I took the next exit and stopped at the classic On Route pit stops that spread across the Canadian highway. At least up until Toronto. I have never gone anywhere in Canada past Toronto.

At the On Route, I picked up my first meal, a spicy chicken sandwich from Popeyes. We don't have Popeyes in Quebec so this is a real treat. The burger came with some cajun fries and a drink. I got Pink Lemonade, whatever that's made of. I also got an apple pie on the side.

The fries were good, less cajun than I thought. I was a little worried that it might have been too heavy on the spices because I was just craving regular fries, but it was a nice light spice. I didn't end up finishing the fries. They were just okay. But the burger… There could be porno's about what I just went through with my burger. Moaning with every bite til the end. I've never had a fast food sandwich taste so good. The fat pickles join every single bite. The sauce coats your mouth with a light spicy feeling that feels so right. The chicken was so fresh and so juicy. Let's just say I’m glad I was eating this in my car. I then finished it off by eating the apple pie, getting the money shot in my eye when I bit into the crunchy crust, launching sprinkles of cinnamon into my face. I felt dirty, so I washed myself off with some pink lemonade. I was ready to go. But I was also getting ready to go. I would have to stop soon for a bathroom or risk the appearance of a poo not in a toilet.

I stopped a couple of minutes later for the sweet release. Feeling 10 pounds lighter I continued my journey onward, smiling in relief as I pass by the beautiful greenery that Canada has to offer.

Finally, just over 6 hours since I left Montreal, I arrived in Niagara Falls. I checked into the Super 8 hotel, just minutes away from the main strip. I threw my bags into room 207 and then made my way over to the glamorous Clifton Hill.

I passed by a couple of souvenir shops looking for a shirt, as I felt the one I had on was a little suffocating. Finally, I stopped at Rock Legends Wax Museum, which was not actually a wax museum from what I saw. There I got a large shirt that read Oh Cannabis! With a pot leaf planted in the middle of the Canadian flag. I always wanted a weed shirt but I could never settle on one. This one would do, as I needed to get comfortable. I changed into an alleyway and then proceeded to look around.

The first stop I made was one of three haunted houses I wanted to visit. Places I refused to go in when I was just a child visiting with my family. Now as a grown man, I decided it was time to take on the challenge. I went into The Haunted House. The ticket was about 13 bucks for about 5 or 6 minutes of horror. Not the best deal but I paid it nonetheless. It felt cheap, but that made it a bit scarier. It was pitch dark with rooms filled with moving cabinets, shutting door sounds, hanging furry lumps that I assumed were punching bags and the occasional screams of horror! It was cute. Okay, I admit I was frightened. Especially when the room would have a sharp turn, making it seem like you've reached a dead end. But after only a few minutes it was already over, and I left with a good adrenaline rush that got me pumped to explore some more.

I headed down to the bottom of Clifton Hill, struggling to get past the crowded street. I think they would benefit from closing down the street to all cars, but that's just my opinion. Anyways I got down to the falls and for some reason, I was expecting more. I've been to Niagara many times so maybe I felt that I had seen the great falls too often to let it wow me anymore. It is just a waterfall. That may sound a little privileged to say but, it's the truth. Once you've seen it you've seen it. Now, I’m not saying all waterfalls are boring. Just if you've seen one that many times you begin to lose interest. I'd much rather see a waterfall that's a lot smaller, and closer so that it feels more personal. I spent about 5 minutes at the falls and then I headed back up the busy sidewalk.

I thought to myself, what else can I do here? All the rides had about 45 minutes of waiting time, and it wasn't like it was some crazy coaster, it was just a Ferris wheel, and some other ride I can figure out. I couldn't play mini-putt alone. Then I was reminded of a place I went to as a kid that used to amaze me. The Upside Down House.

For about you can waste your time at this cute little gimmick called The Upside Down House. From outside it seems like a 3 story house that is upside down, which you can walk through. After paying about $15 I walked into the house and up the stairs. You could probably see the entire house in under 2 minutes. It's just one floor, with 3-4 rooms, each has been built to be upside down. The upside is that you can take some pretty fun pictures. The downside is that you feel like you've wasted your money once you've walked out. It's definitely something you should do once if you don't mind spending money on dumb things.

I left the house and began my walk back up Clifton Hill. I was getting hungry and knew I should eat something. I knew it was going to be a pretty penny to eat anywhere near here. I could have gone to the rainforest cafe, but I really wasn't in the mood for mid-tier food. I wanted to actually find something worth the money I'm going to be spending.

After searching for maybe 5 minutes I found my destination... Antica Pizzeria. It's a nice pasta/pizza place that seemed like it would be pretty good. The service was great and the employees were all so nice. First I had the calamari. I like to try the Calamari plate at almost every restaurant I go to. The Antica Calamari wasn't the best I've had but I wouldn't place it as the worst. It was a bit too oily and lacked some spices but other than that it was good. The texture was on point, with a good chew to it. The lemon brought it all together. The sauce was some spicy mayo-looking thing. That wasn't my cup of tea but I can see how it could pair. I just wasn't a fan of the sauce.

After the Calamari, I had the Shrimp and Clam pasta. This dish was mediocre at best!!! I was really expecting something for some reason. I don't know what I was thinking. I felt the sauce was missing something that I couldn't pinpoint but all I remember from this dish is just being disappointed. Adding the chili flakes did save it a little bit. I still ate about half of it. The shrimp was overcooked. And the clams are fine. But there was more shrimp than clams so that really bothered me. Anyways, onto the next dish I said!

Here comes the main event, the delicious Cup and Char pizza. This wood-fired pie was topped with tomato sauce, bocconcini cheese, garlic, oregano, basil, mozzarella cheese, and “cup and char” pepperonis on top. This was a fantastic pizza and I wish I still had some on my drive home. The pizza was devoured. The crust was delicious and perfectly cooked. Then you got crunch from the little pepperonis. The taste stayed in my mouth for the rest of that night.

After the meal, I headed back to the Super 8. There were supposed to be fireworks, but I preferred to be laying down in bed, vaping the night away. The next morning I would be heading back. So that night I would be relaxing as much as possible before the long drive back. So I turned on the cable and watched some crime show about John Gotti until I closed my eyes. Goodnight Niagara.

I would say 1 day is the perfect time to stay at Niagara Falls, that's if you've never been before. If it was my first time going I definitely would have made a lot more sacrifices in time in order to experience more that they had offered. Since I had been there, I wasn't really interested. I had checked a few things off my interest list, and I was satisfied.

Now I begin my 6-hour drive back home, where there's a steamy with mayo and ketchup waiting for me.